Therapy Session - 1/11/20
On this day, we disencumbered my position and apprehension with believing in relationships and the root cause of why i may or may not choose to let people get too close to me. The idea of me being a hopeless romantic, surrounded by people who perpetuate and award side chick|dude culture and infidelity - that was my reasoning for dismissing potential suitors. Well, one of my reasons.
Also, the paradox of me being monogamous by nature and saturated in skepticism adds fire to the smoke.
I had no idea that my reaction to being cheated on by a fuckboy may be because of some subconscious situational abandonment that happened earlier in life. In present day, when I’m in love, i still love as if it’s my first time - hard and whole.
The Work: Getting to a space where i feel comfortable enough to allow myself to fall in love again, without the side of cynicism; the part where i contemporaneously embrace and employ the idea of believing others are trustworthy while standing on a tightrope holding onto brandished reluctance. Those are the parts that frighten me.
Good session. ✨
-KP

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